— (i wish i could put this on a business card and hand it out to people who make rape jokes. the flip side would say FUCK YOU)
Apologies in advance for the really serious post, but I think I’ve actually made my point pretty well in the text below and it’d mean a lot to me if you’d read it. Trigger warning for rape and sexual violence.
I want to prove two things:
- Rape is a unique crime not comparable to being robbed or murdered.
- The unique nature of rape makes rape jokes especially heinous.
This post is a sort-of response to a question I got this morning.
Reblogging as a link to not spam your dashes, and also to add yet another trigger warning. PLEASE read this if you don’t understand why there’s such a big fuss about rape jokes. I can’t control whether or not you agree, but it’s always good to know where the other side is coming from.
Trigger warnings: rape, rape jokes, rape culture, sexual violence, dead baby jokes [at a friend’s request].
omfg why are people freaking out over this calm down it was a J O K E
Daniel Tosh is an asshole and a horrible mysoginist who thinks that rape is funny.
Thats why people are upset about this.
Why would you ever think this is funny? I laugh at some very harsh, dark, and outright insulting things sometimes, but this is just stupid.
LADIES AND THEIR HYSTERICAL GIRL FEELINGS AMIRITE? LOLOLOLOL
I don’t know if rape jokes encourage rape culture. I don’t care. You still shouldn’t tell them.
Statistically, if you have told a rape joke to a group of more than five people, one of the people you told it to was a rape survivor, possibly of multiple rapes. They will not necessarily disclose this to you; rape apologism is endemic in society and most rape survivors are cautious about whom they tell. Some may even be too ashamed of their rape to admit it to anyone, or because of rape-minimizing narratives like “men can’t be raped” and “I consented to oral, so I couldn’t have been raped” may not admit it even to themselves. The fact remains: if you’ve told dozens of rape jokes in your life, then you have almost certainly told a joke that minimizes or trivializes rape in front of a survivor.
And if you put as your Facebook status “I totally raped at Halo today” for your two hundred Facebook friends to see, statistically, you have just reminded thirty-three people of one of the worst experiences of their entire lives.
To describe how well you did at a video game.
For the people wondering what Donald Glover had to say about jokes involving rape.
Reblogging so everyone knows how much Donald Glover sucks.
If anyone’s wondering, here’s the reasoning we’re fighting against rape jokes, specifically.
Everybody pretty much agrees that murder is bad, and that even when walking alone at night, people aren’t asking to be murdered. When people get murdered, we go “oh shit, did they find the murderer? how is their family holding up?” When women get raped, we go “what was she wearing are you sure she didnt lead the guy on maybe she liked it maybe the guy didnt hear her say no why are you automatically siding against the guy maybe hes the actual innocent party here OMG U FEMINAZIS”.
Rape isn’t taken seriously as a crime, and women who report their rapes aren’t taken seriously as victims. Even under the “best” circumstances, these women undergo incredible amounts of victim blaming and slut shaming, something really only specific to rape victims, certainly not murder victims.
So when the people who overwhelmingly commit rapes (practically with impunity, given the way we treat rape victims) are *same* guys want to joke about rape? Yeah, no, that is fucked the fuck up.
OH MY GOD I get so sick of the “What about MURDER JOKES?” argument.
First off, while “Oh my god my mom is so going to kill me” doesn’t bother me, violent rhetoric “I’m going to kill him!”, “And then I will punch her in the gut and tear off her skin!” does, actually, so I’m not holding quite as much of a double standard as people seem to think. (I just really love when people just assume they know what jokes I am okay with).
And secondly, no. Murder does not happen as often as rape. Do you know approximately how many serial murderers there are in America right now? 25-100. Do you know approximately how many serial rapists there are? Probably 2-3 million at least.
1 in 6, 1 in 6 women experience sexual assault. LOW ESTIMATE. That is fucking pandemic. That is 26 million people in this country. While murder happens way too often in this country, and far more often here than in many other comparable countries, it does not happen at nearly that rate.
Do you know how many rapes go unreported? It is estimated that about 60% of them do. Do you know how many rapists are convicted? Not many. Meanwhile, about 62% of homicides are “cleared”, meaning not only do they go reported, but the culprit is caught, tried, and convicted. Do you know how many rapists are actually convicted? Only half of those reported, and then only half of them serve jail time. The ubiquity of one is not comparable to the other. Rape happens more often than murder and is prosecuted far less.
You are far more likely (nearly certain, in fact) to interact with multiple real rapists over the course of your life who never faced charges, than you ever are to interact with a single murderer.
You are definitely more likely to interact with a rapists victim than with a murderers victim. A murder’s victim isn’t around to be hurt by your jokes.
And finally, rape, unlike murder is a far more gendered act. Women do rape, and men are raped, but not at nearly the rates that men rape women. So when you make a joke about rape, you are making a joke that specifically targets one half of the population disproportionately. Murder is less discriminate, and so jokes about murder tend to also be less specifically marginalizing to an already oppressed group.
In conclusion, no the effect of the two kinds of jokes is not the same, and as such, the two kinds of jokes are not totally comparable. Which doesn’t magically make any joke about murder okay (many of them are AWFUL).
Casual rhetoric about death is far more universal (everyone dies) then casual rhetoric about rape (women are more likely to be raped, and no one HAS to be raped while everyone HAS to die). Casual rhetoric about murder might just be casual rhetoric about death in a more active form (This video game is really killing me!), or might be violent rhetoric (If you do that, I’m going to stab you in the gut with a knife!). Violent rhetoric actually does bother me. It’s not the same as rape jokes, but it’s still not appreciated and likely to trigger as well as dismiss the severity of its subject matter. That being said, rape jokes and murder jokes are still not the same thing.
A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?
They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape."
this is why calling people out on rape jokes is so fucking important.
This is fascinating, I had no idea.
I think I already reblogged this, but just in case I didn’t….
LOL! I wrote this! This is something I wrote! OMG! First as comment on Shakesville, and then I edited and posted it as part of the Helpful Hints For Dudes series. It’s still strange for me every time I see parts of it floating around the internet, but I’m glad this is being spread. People seem to understand this logic even when they don’t understand all the other reasons you shouldn’t make light of rape.
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