Most people are unaware that symptoms of heart attacks in females are different than those of males. Please signal boost. (Based on this post, information from WebMD.)
Most people are unaware that symptoms of heart attacks in females are different than those of males. Please signal boost. (Based on this post, information from WebMD.)
At a recent presentation, I asked all of the gay male students in the room to raise their hand if in the past week they touched a woman’s body without her consent. After a moment of hesitation, all of the hands of the gay men in the room went up. I then asked the same gay men to raise their hand if in the past week they offered a woman unsolicited advice about how to “improve” her body or her fashion. Once again, after a moment of hesitation, all of the hands in the room went up.
These questions came after a brief exploration of gay men’s relationship to American fashion and women’s bodies. That dialogue included recognizing that gay men in the United States are often hailed as the experts of women’s fashion and by proxy women’s bodies. In addition to this there is a dominant logic that suggests that because gay men have no conscious desire to be sexually intimate with women, our uninvited touching and groping (physical assault) is benign.
These attitudes have led many gay men to feel curiously comfortable critiquing and touching women’s bodies at whim. What’s unique about this is not the male sense of ownership to women’s bodies—that is somewhat common. What’s curious is the minimization of these acts by gay men and many women because the male perpetuating the act is or is perceived to be gay.
An example: I was at a gay club in Atlanta with a good friend of mine who is a heterosexual black woman. While dancing in the club, a white gay male reached out and grabbed both her breasts aggressively. Shocked, she pushed him away immediately. When we both confronted him he told us: “It’s no big deal, I’m gay, I don’t want her– I was just having fun.” We expressed our frustrations to him and demanded he apologize, but he simply refused. He clearly felt entitled to touch her body and could not even acknowledge the fact that he had assaulted her.
I have experienced this attitude as being very common amongst gay men. It should also be noted that in this case, she was a black woman and he a white gay male, which makes this an eyebrow-raising dynamic as it invokes the psychological history of white men’s entitlement to black women’s bodies. However it has been my experience that this dynamic of assault with gay men and women also persists within racial groups.
At another presentation, I told this same story to the audience. Almost instantly, several young women raised up their hands to be called upon. Each of them recounted a different story with a similar theme. One young woman told a story that stuck with me:
“I was feeling really cute in this outfit I put together. Then I see this gay guy I knew from class, but not very well. I had barely said hi before he began telling me what was wrong with how I looked, how I needed to lose weight, and how if I wanted to get a man I needed to do certain things… In the midst of this, he grabbed my breasts and pushed them together, to tell me how my breasts should look as opposed to how they did. It really brought me down. I didn’t know how to respond… I was so shocked.”
Her story invoked rage amongst many other women in the audience, and an obvious silence amongst the gay men present. Their silence spoke volumes. What also seemed to speak volumes, though not ever articulated verbally, was the sense that many of the heterosexual women had not responded (aggressively or otherwise) out of fear of being perceived as homophobic. (Or that their own homophobia, in an aggressive response, would reveal itself.) This, curiously to me, did not seem to be a concern for the lesbian and queer-identified women in the room at all.
Acts like these are apart of the everyday psychological warfare against women and girls that pits them against unrealistic beauty standards and ideals. It is also a part of the culture’s constant message to women that their bodies are not their own.
It’s very disturbing, but in a culture that doesn’t see gay men who are perceived as “queer” as “men” or as having male privilege, our misogyny and sexist acts are instead read as “diva worship” or “celebrating women”, even when in reality they are objectification, assault and dehumanization.
The unique way our entitlement to women’s physical bodies plays itself out is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to gay cisgender men’s sexism and privilege. This privilege does not make one a bad person any more than straight privilege makes heterosexuals bad people. It does mean that gay men can sometimes be just as unthinkingly hurtful, and unthinkingly a part of a system that participates in the oppression of others, an experience most of us can relate to. Exploration of these dynamics can lead us to query institutional systems and policies that reflect this privilege, nuanced as it is by other identities and social locations.
At the end of my last workshop on gay men’s sexism, I extended a number of questions to the gay men in the audience. I think it’s relevant to extend these same questions now:
How is your sexism and misogyny showing up in your own life, and in your relationships with your female friends, trans, lesbian, queer or heterosexual? How is it showing up in your relationship to your mothers, aunts and sisters? Is it showing up in your expectations of how they should treat you? How you talk to them? What steps can you take to address the inequitable representation of gay cisgender men in your community as leaders? How do you see that privilege showing up in your organizations and policy, and what can you do to circumvent it? How will you talk to other gay men in your community about their choices and interactions with women, and how will you work to hold them and yourself accountable?
These are just some of the questions we need to be asking ourselves so that we can help create communities where sexual or physical assault, no matter who is doing it, is deemed unacceptable. These are the kinds of questions we as gay men need to be asking ourselves so that we can continue (or for some begin) the work of addressing gender/sex inequity in our own communities, as well as in our own hearts and minds. This is a part of our healing work. This is a part of our transformation. This is a part of our accountability.
This has been on my mind a lot lately.
Side note: I’ve seen and heard a weird number of gay men talk about women’s bodies, specifically genitalia, as disgusting and gross and etc, and people consider this okay because they’re just expressing their lack of sexual desire towards these aspects of the female body. Not being attracted to someone doesn’t mean it’s alright to insult the body they have. White gay men, unfortunately, sometimes do more harm than good when it comes to challenging patriarchal and societal norms. I’ve been hesitant to say such things for fear of coming off as homophobic, but I just don’t think it’s okay for gay men to treat women and their bodies like this at all. Stop demonising the female form just because you don’t find it sexually appealing. Start examining how your words and actions can be harmful and hurtful.
It’s not homophobic at all to put forth your boundaries and address this stuff. More gay men need to be checked when they invade people’s personal spaces and shit like that; telling them to fuck off with that mess is in no way, shape, or form homophobic.
Wow. Goes to show that “douchebag” knows no orientation.
You know I have to ramble about Sailor Moon.
I actively adore both the anime and the manga and think both have their place in my dorky shrine of excellent inspiring tales about ladies.
But I think it was correct of Naoko to note when asked about the difference between the manga and the anime that her story is a story by a woman, about women, and for women and that men are involved in the anime so there’s a male influence there. Does this mean 100% bad, and do I think she was trying to say it’s terrible? No. But I do think it’s a thing to consider, especially in regards to the male gaze that definitely could be present in the anime. Both the anime and the manga had like, sexualized content, but the content in the anime is seen through a different lens because this is men doing it. And Takuechi herself allegedly was critical of the male gaze sometimes (like, on one hand she thought the transformations were pretty and on the other hand was a little squicked out is pretty clear)
Let’s look at the pos and neg here in major changes
1. Usagi and Mamoru. Naoko has straight up said she crafted Mamoru to be her ideal dude, and that’s reflected in how she made him basically the most supportive boyfriend in the world who admits pretty immediately when he screws up and is basically constantly open about how much he completely adores Usagi and thinks she’s the most kickass girl in the universe 24/7. Seriously, once an arc you have Mamoru going “THANKS FOR SAVING MY LIFE USAGI UR MY INVINCIBLE HERO” and Usagi being like “NO PROB BB I’LL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU”. Naoko worked really, really hard on presenting a positive relationship to girls so they could see “yeah, it is possible for a guy to really respect you, don’t settle for less.”Really, manga Mamoru is probably one of the most healthy, feminist boyfriends in all of shoujo. There’s also the fact the manga flat out said Mamoru was going to take over the rearing of Chibiusa so Usagi could do what she wanted, and also presented their mutual miscommunications and drama and jealousy as real problems they had to work through together by communicating.
Mamoru’s main problem in the manga is he actually is this kid with really low self esteem who feels he lucked out way too much by landing with Usagi and he *burdens* her, and Usagi helps him work through that- in the anime, it could be kind of the opposite, with Usagi demonstrating really low self esteem in regards to Mamoru at times and feeling she’s not good enough, even being told by others she better shape up or she’ll lose him. Kinda not as subversive.
I think the animators don’t really have Naoko’s idea of what the ideal boyfriend is, so they had a certain idea of how boys and girls should interact, that guys need to be stoic and tough and all that shit, and so we got shit like the R break-up and paternalism and Mamoru swooping into save the day rather than his manga role of being like “hey sailor moon im yer backup i’ll give you some of my power i’d die if it meant you could fight go get em gurl”. and stuff. On the other hand, the fact they were not as interested in presenting the relationship meant that the anime tended to focus on the friendships and side characters more than the manga did and Mamoru was less prominent and also a lot more in the mold of being this domestic guy who is there to support Usagi in later seasons.
However, I do feel even in later seasons it didn’t reach that height of equality. And it’s reflected in small things like, in the manga when Mamoru left he basically babbled to Usagi that he’d miss her so much and he’d write to her, while in the anime Mamoru was all “I’LL BE REALLY BUSY” and Usagi was the one being like “I’LL WRITE TO YOU THO”. The anime was clearly kinda uncomfortable with having a guy be so openly devoted, dependent and emotional in that situation.
It’s not that Mamoru isn’t a subversive shoujo love interest in the anime who clearly totally believes in Usagi- it’s just that he’s a lot moreso in the manga, and that actually makes the relationship both more feminist and more real. On the other hand, as I said, it’s kind of nice that the anime doesn’t focus on him as much.
2. Sex- Usagi sort of subtly is interested in sex with Mamoru in the anime and propositions him for it, and it goes over his head. In the manga, she similarly is the one who’s more aggressive and interested in sex, and Mamoru like…well, he responds. They have sex in the manga, or get close to having sex a lot.
I’m going to try a little Super Best Friends Forever experiment here. Warner Bros. have put out some fantastic shorts during their DC Nation programming block on Cartoon Network. They are evolving one of those into a series - Teen Titans Go! It’s almost a continuation of the old Teen Titans animated series but either way, sounds like fun. I know a lot of folks were hoping SBFF would also move on to a half hour series as well but from what I’ve been hearing, it’s not likely and my question is - why?
Warner Bros. don’t believe a “girls” show has the same selling power as a “boys” show and I’d like to prove them wrong. I’d point them to the huge successes that were Lauren Faust’s Power Puff Girls (EDIT for clarity, I know Craig McCracken created PPG, Faust also worked on the franchise. Sorry if I confused anyone!) and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic were, I’d tell them women make almost all the purchasing decisions for their household (specifically entertainment), that they are seriously underestimating how much parents spend on their daughters, and that children aren’t the only consumers of animated TV shows and their related products. I could do that but what I’d like to see right now is all of YOU do that.
Reblog or like this post if you’d not only watch a Super Best Friends Forever television show but buy products based on it. (Money talks, remember?) Add your own commentary or not but let’s see what the numbers say.
This is the Quigley Scale… this makes radscums’ heads explode. As you can see, the boundary between “penis” and “vagina” is not as clean cut as radscums (and for that matter, cissexist society as a whole) makes it out to be. Radscums, when should you start using the mens’ room? Number 3? Number 4? I should point out that the Quigley scale applies only to androgen insensitivity syndrome. There are plenty of other intersex conditions out there that can produce totally different genital arrangments.
[Image description: a diagram scale showing various kinds of genitals. Number one shows what most people would refer to as a penis and scrotum. Number two shows a penis with a slit running on the underside, and a scrotum. Number 3 shows a small penis/large clitoris and a scrotum/labia majora (looks a bit closer to a scrotum). Number 4 shows a smaller penis/clitoris with a scrotum/labia majora (looks a bit closer to labia majora). Number 5 shows a vulva with a somewhat large clitoris. Numbers 6 and 7 show what most people would call a vulva with a “normal” sized clitoris.]
i love making cissexists minds spin by explaining intersex stuff.
Did you know that there are people who were raised as one gender (ie that of their sex) and no one suspected a thing, then at puberty their clitoris grew into a penis, to the overall surprise of everyone? Total mindfuck. I can’t remember what the condition is called, but it’s discussed in “Myths of Gender” by Anne Fausto-Sterling.
(Quick Addendum: This isn’t to say that I think gender is a ‘myth.’ I’m not interested in denying trans* people. I’m saying that the personality and abilities we stereotype to one gender or another aren’t consistent or binary - socialization is key, and that is really, really fascinating.)
I know there are only 8 pictured. Tumblr restriction. Click the link for the full list.
So yesterday they announce the new Doctor Who companion. I’m sure she’s a good actress and all, but do we really need another young, white cis female as companion? There are so many other better choices.
I also wondered why Moffat didn’t reach into the pool of past characters and/or actors to pull the new companion?
And isn’t it about time we shook things up a bit? Let’s get some non-humans in there or Americans or folks out of puberty or men only or people of color or non-straight characters or people from different time periods than our present day.
This is a good list.
For the record, here is how I want things with the new companion to go.
Doctor: Hello interesting person! What is your name?
Companion: Um…. Joan?
Doctor: Come along, Joan!
*they have many adventures for the fiftieth anniversary*
Doctor: Joan, I think I’m dying.
Joan: I know. I’m so sorry. But it’ll be all right I promise.
Doctor: There’s this thing that happens, that happens when I die…
Joan: I know.
Doctor: I wanted to do more.
Joan: It’s okay. I’m here.
*the Doctor regenerates*
Doctor: What do I look like? Wait, this voice! This is a woman’s voice! Am I a woman? Excellent! Never been a woman before.
Joan: My part is done here, Doctor. I have to go.
Doctor: Joan! What are you talking about? We’re just getting started. This voice is familiar. I think I’ve heard it before.
Joan: It’s different when it’s coming from you, isn’t it? I remember.
Joan: Look in the mirror.
*the Doctor looks in the mirror. He’s regenerated into Joan. She was The Doctor the whole time*
Joan: If I remember correctly, this is the part where I leave. I say goodbye to you. So this is me, saying goodbye.
Doctor: Will I ever see you-
Joan: Even better, you’ll be me! We won’t be separated for long. Goodbye, Doctor!
Doctor: Goodbye, me.
*and thus begins the greatest series of Doctor Who ever. She picks up a new companion, but eventually leaves mysteriously for what we know in her timeline to be the adventures we already saw, and then returns. Her new companion is an awesome lady from the past or some shit and everything is beautiful, the end*
*I like this plan because it makes the choice of new companion a little less boring and more importantly gets us our first lady Doctor. Also, it’s the kind of ontological timey wimey shit that Moffat fucking loves, so I can totally see him writing it*
Nines doesn’t say anything because they already know howhotawesome they are.
my list of auto-reblogs is growing. it now includes
- dancers en pointe
- potter kids being awesome
- rule 63
i am really really happy about all of these things
Rule 63 is seriously one of my favourite things.
I think it’s possible to teach someone to be TOO polite, to their own detriment. I think I’m too polite in these scenarios and let these awful conversations continue long past this point. Add to that the fear of antagonizing someone with my rejection of them and you have a recipe for too many repetitions of this comic.
New Comic Day! Add your own alt text for panel 4.
The original text for that last panel was: “Ugh. Society dictates that I sit here and put up with you until you get bored or interrupted, because asking politely for you not to bother me might make you aggressive. However, playing along despite having no interest in pursuing this conversation would make me a ‘tease’ and therefore worthy of insult. Even though I’ve never met you and you’ve invaded my personal space without my permission, asking for the basic right of privacy would be considered ‘causing a scene.’ I hate you for putting me in this position, and you don’t even realize it.”
It didn’t quite fit.
I have lived through Kate’s elaborated text description to this comic so. many. times. Especially in the last twelve months, my Unwanted Scary Male Attention encounters have been through the goddamn roof. It makes me fucking terrified and furious (but secretly, because I’m afraid of bringing out the offending guys’ aggression against me or ‘making a scene’ if I tell them to leave me alone)
You could just say thanks but no thanks? I truly doubt most men would start that much shit.
Then again this just confirms all of my fears that I do nothing but bother women if I attempt to talk to them. So I’m fucked either way.
Really we’re all fucked because we have expectations about things and we feel that we must meet social expectations. Which is dumb, but we’re social creatures, and we crave acceptance.
Uhm… I had nowhere else to go with this…
please don’t hate me.
Sure, a lot of guys wouldn’t start too much shit. In fact, they’d be very firm on that point, that they’re not starting anything.
Like, “Hey, I don’t mean anything by it.” Or, “Hey, I’m just trying to be friendly.”
And then, having assured the woman that they are nice, maybe they try again… and if they’re shot down, well, then the girl is definitely a bitch now.
Meanwhile, the woman’s playing a slot machine in her head because the guy who will politely nod and walk away looks no different from the guy who hey doesn’t mean anything by it looks no different from the guy who hey doesn’t mean anything by it SO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH looks no different from the guy who will just go straight to violent retribution.
So, yeah, maybe we’re all fucked, but we’re not all equally co-fucked.
Wow, “Thanks but no thanks”? WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT. SILLY WOMAN BRAIN.
Yeah, it turns out we have way more experience with this than you do, and you are in fact “bothering” me. (In this case, it’s mostly annoyance, because I don’t have to deal with your physical presence. You clearly don’t understand the level of physical threat that these interactions frequently carry, or you wouldn’t use the word “bothering” to describe it.)
Helpful hint: Notice how the woman in the panel is otherwise occupied when the guy STARTS talking? A lot of us do that in an attempt to make ourselves less available to unwanted public interaction. It often has no effect. But if you’re serious about not wanting to be a douchebag, you can start by not bothering people who are visibly busy.
And try reading this.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This. Also, the post link should be required reading for everyone everywhere.
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